Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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