wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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