She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
