if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
