this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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