I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pooping to opera.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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