There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
