in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The struggles of a small town man whore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
