she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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