Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you had me at cake vodka
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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