i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am available for nakedness
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He did a backflip because drugs
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