I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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