I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
