so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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