Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
