Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
