Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
