operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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