Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
