Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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