Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
