Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
