I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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