I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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