Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
