Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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