would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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