eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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