You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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