I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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