my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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