I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
