No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
