Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
