If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
