false alarm. still invincible.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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