I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
