My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
