instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Two words: blizzard sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He did a backflip because drugs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
