Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
