just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize