youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want her autograph on my taint
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
