Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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