I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do herpes really smell.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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