I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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