i don't like sucking hair
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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