shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
