I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
