we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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