hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
