Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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