I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
