I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
