i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
