If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
