So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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