btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
