VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
