"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
