dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
