Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
