The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
