this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
