good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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